Perfectly Blended Blog

The 4-Steps To Healthy Marriage Communication

Kristy Groce | Feb 14, 2022

When was the last time that you "checked in" with your spouse?

A lot of us (Josh and I included), make the mistake of never sitting down and checking in with our spouse to see how they are feeling with the marriage. 

We think that because we live together and see each other all the time [work through the occasional debate and go to bed together] that if our spouse was feeling a certain way, we would know. 

This couldn't be farther from the truth.

If you and your spouse begin to do the steps listed below on a regular basis, your relationship will deepen. 

What this could look like:

Begin with prayer that God will be in your conversation and watch over your words. Then....

Step 1: 

Decide how often you need to check in with each other.
**WARNING** This is intentional time specifically for checking in with each other and should not be substituted as a date.

Depending on the season that you two are going through this could change. You and your partner can decide together if you should meet weekly or monthly or every 6 months! [The key is to decide together] 

There is no right or wrong when it comes to what works for your relationship! But, this always needs to be step one because you may previously have had time together once a month and you are fine with this, but your spouse is needing it once a week based on recent events.

Step 2: 

Ask each other how they are feeling in regards to the relationship. There should be good things to talk about and things where they would like to get stronger together [areas that need improvement].

This is not the time to be defensive, this is the time to listen. This is a safe place for your spouse to say what they want (you will get your turn, lol). 

Some examples: they would like to go on more dates or maybe they would like that starting at 8pm every night for you both to unplug and have watches [smart watches] and phones put away. 

This also, could be a time that they say that you both have been doing amazing! Your sex life is amazing, and the kids are amazing, and everything is amazing! lol. 

Maybe they feel that you both are too busy, and have been going through the motions and they feel disconnected from you.

Step 3: 

Develop solutions together. Remember that there may be compromises involved here and there may be things that you both have to give up for the wellbeing of your relationship. 

These solutions can be things you both agree on and remember that these will not always be permanent. Your seasons will change in your relationship and so will your feelings about situations. 

Sometimes, the solution will be that no responsibilities will change for now but you each will ensure to take at least 5-10 minutes a day to pray together about your current solutions and ask God to give a spirit of strength and grace for each other.

Step 4: 

Close in prayer and thank God for giving you each other :)

I know that I (Kristy) go through feelings of overwhelm and disconnected when Josh and I have a very full schedule for an extended period of time. 

I then struggle with bringing it up to him because I don't want to be a nag (I struggle with this more than he does). 

Setting a time to talk through how each of you are feeling with your relationship will relieve arguments and underlying stress that each of you may be dealing with as an individual. 

Remember, that this time is to listen to each other and then talk about solutions to become better together, not to argue or feel like it is an attack :) 

You both are on the same team and your team is only made up of two, so you are all each other has got!

We love you – God loves you

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