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Premarital Counseling... An Afterthought
Kristy Groce | Feb 7, 2022
If you have been married before and you are entering into a new season of potential marital bliss the last thing that you think of is premarital counseling.
As people we think that we need marital counseling before our first marriage because we have never been married before.
However, never blending a family is where premarital counseling is even more critical. Blending a family is so much more complex than 2 people tying the knot the first time around.
If you are dating or newly engaged you are in LUCK!
Some of the following will help you and your partner to develop plans to face some future issues or at least start some dialogue.
This is what [or at least should be] part of premarital counseling for those going into their 2nd, 3rd, or even 4th marriages.
If you are already remarried you are in LUCK!
Some of the following may help you deal with hurdles you are currently trying to jump over and/or open dialogue for some hurdles that you have not encountered, yet… :)
Here are some topics to discuss that you and your partner can use to help develop a game plan in your relationship.
1. Finances: You both may be on very different pages.
Are you going to combine finances? Who will be paying the bills? What about debt that you both currently have that has not been discussed yet?
Get each other's ideas on tithing, saving, college funds for kids, any child support, etc..
Are there retirement funds and other stocks and bonds that may have yet to come up in conversations because those items just aren’t things you talk about regularly.
2. Kids: Discuss what each of your parenting styles are.
Discuss how each of you discipline your kids and what the parenting schedules are.
Do each of you believe in giving the kids chores and what does that look like?
3. The Ex: What type of relationship, if any, do you have with your ex?
What does coparenting mean to you and to them?
How to set up healthy boundaries to keep your marriage feeling safe for both of you.
4. Boundaries in your marriage: How do each of you argue?
How do you set up ground rules that divorce will not ever be an option and will never be threatened?
What about name calling?
What about bedtimes? We suggest going to bed every night at the same time and always putting each other first.
Talk to each other before making commitments for your schedules or large purchases.
These are just some things that will make you and your soon to be spouse closer. It will help each of you be a united front in your life and you both will be able to feel comfortable and safe. [Trust is the key to a healthy 2nd marriage]
The main thing in your relationship will be trust and trust is built more and more through communication. This person is your best friend and closest confidant, treat each other as such.