Perfectly Blended Blog

3 Types of Alone Time in a Marriage

Josh Groce | Jan 3, 2022

Something that Kristy and I have discovered along the way in our relationship is that alone time is actually hard to come by. 

We mean well. We try hard. But unfortunately alone time becomes a priority almost last in busy lives.

When you think of alone time in a marriage what do you think of? Time away from the kids? An adults only vacation? A quiet breakfast just you and the hubby or wifey? 

That’s one type of alone time that is necessary in a healthy marriage. There are actually 3 types.

1. Alone time with your spouse.

This is probably the most commonly known alone time in a marriage. When our kids were smaller (our youngest is gonna be 18 this month. Whoa) getting special time just for us was nearly impossible. 

What we decided to do, mainly because we were getting bitter, was to schedule time for us to be alone. That meant finding a sitter for a few hours 2 times a month. It started out as a date night and as time went on we flexed it to a date morning on Saturday’s. 

If you don’t schedule alone time with your spouse, this personal connecting level of intimacy doesn't just happen on its own. 

We would notice it dramatically if we missed too many “alone dates” in our relationship. Kristy would always say she felt “far away” from me.

Schedule it. Make it a priority.

2. Alone time with God.

This one I skipped a ton for a long time. I eventually noticed that Kristy was getting up an hour early before she had to leave for work every day to read her Bible and pray. 

I was not that spiritually mature. But I needed to be. 

Just like our marriage, we will be very distant from God if we don’t carve out time to spend alone with Him. I had to make this a priority. This is still very hard for me and one of my biggest struggles, but honestly I am consistently pushing forward on getting better. 

If God is the foundation to our marriage, we need to make Him a priority in our lives. Getting alone time with God can make or break our marriage. 

3. Alone time with ourselves.

This one I am pretty good at but Kristy struggles with.

I would pick the kids up from school every day. Doing this always gave me an opportunity to sit in my car or walk around the school grounds with some headphones in. The traffic for our kids' school is horrendous! This gave me 5 days a week of special alone time with myself.

Over time, Kristy gets up on Saturday and Sunday mornings about an hour or 2 before I do. She sits and sips coffee while watching chick-flicks. This has become a major part of her alone time. 

Most of us are parents. We are leaders at church. We work full time. We are always helping others or engaging with others. If we don’t get this time by ourselves, we will get lost in who we are. 

You can’t pour from an empty cup. Make sure you are filling up. Your family, and especially your marriage deserves it.

We love you… God loves you.
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