If you have been married for any length of time and this is your second or even maybe third marriage, you understand the desire to have a fantastic relationship with your spouse.
Kristy and I are both on our second marriage. The one thing we do often, even after 11 years of being together, we talk about how grateful we are that we finally learned some key lessons from those past relationships.
I figure if we are going to go through the pain why not learn something, right? If the human race was only that smart!
Most of us believe if we just marry someone different than our last spouse all of our problems will go away. This is a sure fire way to end up in divorce court…again.
Today’s blog title leads you to believe that we don’t need our spouse to have a great marriage, which is partially true and partially not. Let me explain.
In broken relationships we get really good at pointing out the things that the other is doing wrong. We have a very difficult time seeing our part in it. Then we end the marriage and move on to someone we believe is the opposite of our ex. Then we sit back and enjoy life… until we realize that this new person is difficult too!
I want to share with you today 3 things that I believe you can start doing today to take this new marriage to the next level BEFORE involving your spouse.
1. Thumbs not fingers
I say this all the time at my recovery group. We have to understand the power in knowing what we are in charge of. What is it that you are actually responsible for?
Once we begin seeing what parts we can change and what parts we can’t, we begin becoming a person that is solution driven and not problem driven.
It is so easy to believe that we are the victim. I am here to tell you that being a victim is a mindset.
Embrace your responsibilities and you empower yourself to make major changes.
2. You go first
You are probably scorned from your last relationship. This makes us gunshy on being a leader in our relationship. You probably put yourself out there before and it bit you in the behind.
We have to trust. Trust is the foundation to a sacred and strong marriage. This means that someone needs to be vulnerable first. This person is you.
If you are a woman I understand the Bible tells us that our men need to be leaders, and you are right they should. If you are waiting around for your man to step up, you may be waiting forever.
Kristy led me in the beginning. I am humble enough to admit that now. She did it gracefully and powerfully. She encouraged me and lifted me up. She didn’t do it with a bitter heart and by disrespecting me.
Because of this, I was able to take the lead and become the leader she deserves.
It’s scary. It probably has caused you pain in the past. Go first anyway.
3. Burn the boats
We have been divorced before so I guess that is always some form of an option again, right? Wrong.
Divroce happens for many reasons. But we can’t live in the past. If Jesus lived in the past and never decided to give His life to save us from ALL OF OUR SINS, (past present AND future) we would not be going to Heaven.
This marriage is where you are today. Period. If you always have one foot out you will always hold back on pouring into your marriage.
When things are good, they are good. When things are bad, your marriage needs everything you have to move forward. If you believe there is a safety net of a future divorce, you will never give it what it needs.
Burn those boats. Don’t look back.
Understand that the power of your marriage comes from you. If you take responsibility, willing to sacrifice yourself and never looking back, you will have a marriage that is always going to the next level.
We love you… God loves you.